The Slow, Inevitable Retail Apocalypse, Now With More Gravy
So, Big Y is moving into old Christmas Tree Shops and Big Lots locations. Color me thrilled. I mean, are we really supposed to celebrate supermarkets colonizing the corpses of failed big box stores? It's like watching vultures fight over roadkill.
"These new stores will allow us to better serve families in the South Coast region," says some VP of real estate. Oh, really? Because nothing says "serving families" like setting up shop in a place where dreams of discounted holiday decorations went to die. Look, I get it. Retail is a brutal game. But spare me the PR-speak about community service, alright? According to Supermarket chain to open 2 stores in former Christmas Tree Shops, Big Lots locations in Massachusetts, Big Y is indeed moving into these locations.
And 2027? Seriously? That's the timeline we're working with? In the fast-food world that's like waiting for a new burger joint to open. We'll all be living in the metaverse by then, ordering Soylent Green smoothies from Amazon Prime.
Thanksgiving: A Holiday Dedicated to Gluttony, Apparently
Speaking of dystopia, let's talk about Thanksgiving. Apparently, 57% of Americans are now too lazy to cook a damn turkey and would rather eat out? Are you kidding me? Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family, tradition, and the collective trauma of Aunt Mildred's questionable Jell-O mold. Not lining the pockets of some corporate chain while they serve you a pre-fab "traditional" meal.
I saw that Granite City Food & Brewery is doing a Thanksgiving buffet. And Mavericks Steak & Cocktails, too. Seriously? Steak on Thanksgiving? What is this, some kind of culinary rebellion? It's like saying, "Screw the pilgrims, I'm having a ribeye!"
Then again, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe some people don't have families to spend Thanksgiving with. Maybe they're lonely, or overworked, or just plain hate cooking. But let's be real: most of them are probably just lazy.
The Circle of Retail Life (and Death)
Back to Big Y... they're not alone in this retail zombie shuffle. Aldi took over a Christmas Tree Shops in Falmouth. Ollie's Bargain Outlet moved into a former Big Lots in Fitchburg. It's the circle of retail life, I guess. One store dies, another rises from its ashes, only to inevitably succumb to the same fate a few years later.
Offcourse, it doesn't always work out. The Fresh Market, which moved into an old Bed Bath & Beyond in Framingham, is already closing. Less than a year. Pathetic. It's like these companies think they can just slap a new sign on the door and suddenly everyone will forget the retail graveyard they're standing in.
Trader Joe's is opening new stores in Newton and West Roxbury. Good for them, I guess. But let's see how long they last before Amazon or Walmart or some other corporate behemoth comes along and eats their lunch. Or before the whole damn economy collapses and we're all bartering for canned beans in the ruins of civilization.